but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize