how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Houston, we have a blender
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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