it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize