A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
