4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
