I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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