she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Randomize
