wanna go halves on a baby?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize