Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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