I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
