Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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