Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
