I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
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