just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
