I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
