How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
