Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
don't judge my taste in strippers
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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