im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
