So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
