omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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