Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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