He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Randomize
