My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
