His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
