Umm I'm too high to move.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
