She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
