I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
