2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
