I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I hate all girls vehemently.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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