pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
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