i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
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