I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
