I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
