Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
