I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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