He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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