After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
