"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
