Plan B is the new Plan A
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Randomize
