they need to just BURY HIM!
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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