That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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