Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
false alarm. still invincible.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
