I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
