I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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