i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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