thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
