So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
