do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize
