if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
