go do what you do best...puke behind churches
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
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