i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
