Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
