it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
