it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
