Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
