If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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