Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
