woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize