"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
