My first STD was from a foam party
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
