Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
