Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
