What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
