She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
