His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
