and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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