It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I came so hard my ears popped.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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