he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
