I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
