I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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