they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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