OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
