it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
