A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
